Chiefs Chronicles: HOF Weekend Stuff & Pre-Preseason Week 1
R.I.P. Old Kickoff, Returner Rewind, The Dynamic Kickoff or "How Dave Taub Gets His KR Groove Back," Rees⚡Lightning: The Movie, Chiefs Who Should Be in The Hall of Fame, & More!
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R.I.P. Old Kickoff
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For my money, the classic kick return is the most exciting play in football. I have always loved kick returns- there’s just something electric about them. In the stadium or watching at home, a long return will cause everyone to jump to their feet, cheering and yelling various versions of the following: “I think he’s… Yes! He’s going! He’s gonna go!” Small children and/or animals (if at home) will be startled, and snacks and/or drinks will become airborne.
And when he beats, by speed or juke or stiff-arm, that last would-be tackler and scores? Jubilation! Chests are bumped, fives are highed, and all is (briefly) right with the world.
At least that’s how it used to be. In the name of player safety (which I fully support), the kick return has become the play that used to be the most exciting play in football. The league, over the course of many years, tweaked the rules and eventually made the kickoff (and by extension the kick return) into little more than a weird little football ceremony. Returns have decreased, in number and quality, year by year. Most times the kicker (Harrison Butker, who just signed a 4-year extension, is a good example) would boot the ball as hard as possible, causing the kickoff to sail through the back of the end zone for a touchback. With that chore out of the way, the teams could now get down to playing some actual football.
The excitement was gone. The kick return was basically dead. This (⬆️) video really says it all.
As a result, our beloved Chiefs haven’t had a kick return touchdown since Week 7 of the 2020 NFL Season. That was 1383 (?!) days ago, give or take, on October 25th, 2020. I was surprised to learn that the man who took that kick to the house was none other than the top-of-page-pictured (or would it be GIFed?) Byron Pringle.
I actually had Mr. Pringle on my fantasy football team that year and the team was briefly named (because I change the name weekly) “Once You Pop.” Looking back, I may have only picked him up because: A) He was a Chief and my team must always have as many Chiefs on it as possible and B) I wanted to name my team after Pringles potato chips. Come to think of it, I may have named my team after Isiah “Pop” Pacheco and then picked up Byron to further cement the Pringles connection. Continuing this line of thought, do you think “The Pringles Connection” is a good name for my band?
I’ll add it to the list, regardless.
(This commercial doesn’t have the tagline, but it does have Bill Hader.)
Returner Rewind
Historically, talented kick returners (most also returned punts- Cordarrelle was one of the exceptions) have been revered as exciting, game changing players. Big moment performers, with the ability to deliver energy to their teams when they need it most. A big return can completely swing the game’s momentum when their team is losing, or rip the heart out of the opposing team’s comeback attempt. While it’s probably inaccurate to say that a successful kick return is one guy versus eleven (although that might be the best way to describe a successful punt return), when we see a great kick returner make the split-second decisions and lightning moves that are needed to break one long, it can sure seem like he’s the one making most of it happen.
Over my 30+ years as a fan, the Chiefs have fielded some amazing return men. Let’s rewind a bit for a quick look at some of them, and what each of them brought to the table. After that, we’ll quickly examine the new Dynamic Kickoff and I’ll share my thoughts on some of the Chiefs prospective returners.
1995-1999: Early Days
The first return man I remember loving as a Chiefs fan was Tamarick Vanover (not pictured). He was 6’/220 lbs. and ran a 4.33 40. Pretty big for a returner but he was fast, just shifty enough, and had the size/strength to break tackles. He had 4-KR & 4-PR touchdowns for the Chiefs from 1995-1999. This punt return vs the Chargers (click here for the video- it’s around the 1:30 mark) was the first time in NFL history that an OT game had been won on a punt return for a TD.
2000-2006: The Golden Years
Then came Dante Hall.
I don’t know about you, but I just got the chills. He was 5’8”/187 lbs. and ran a 4.29 40. He was as quick (or quicker) as he was fast and, after some seasoning in NFL Europe, he took the Chiefs return game to another level.
He was the Barry Sanders of return men. The Human Joystick. The X-Factor. Every time the ball was headed his way EVERYONE watching held their breath. He was truly a threat to score every time he touched the ball. Plus, he just seemed like a cool guy. (Note: I met him once, and can confirm he is a cool guy!)
He became an overnight success (I was going to say “overnight sensation” but then I wouldn’t be able to use this classic Norm MacDonald clip) for Dick Vermeil’s Chiefs. To get a sense of just how big he became, consider this: even though he was primarily a returner (to be fair, he did have some spectacular moments on offense- see the GIF above), he was so popular that he had his own Gatorade line (X-Factor, of course). This was an unprecedented level of stardom for a return man.
He played for the Chiefs from 2000-2006, but all of his 11 return TDs (6-KR/5-PR) for KC came between 2002-2006. He created some amazing memories for everyone who saw him play and was finally (what took so long?) inducted into the Chiefs Ring of Honor and Hall of Fame in 2023. (The part of the episode that talks about Dante Hall starts around the 17:30 mark of the video below, but the whole episode and the show The Franchise are fantastic!)
2007-2015: A Little Light in The Darkness
When Dante Hall left KC after the 2006 season, a lot of return guys came and went. The Chiefs return game went from the best in the league to mostly forgettable.
There were two returners that briefly stood out, though. In 2009, Jamaal Charles had a 25.69 YD/Avg. with 1-KR TD. He could have been an above-average returner, but that was the last year he returned kicks. Instead of splitting time as a returner, the team had him focus on playing running back. I think they made the right choice.
In 2013 the Chiefs drafted RB Knile Davis and, even though he became a below average RB (in his defense, he did score some TDs), he was a decent kick returner. He ended up with 3-KR TDs, one of which I’m sure most of you remember. In the Chiefs 2015 AFC Wild Card game versus the Houston Texans, he returned the opening kickoff 106 yards for a TD (I believe it’s still the quickest TD ever to open a playoff game).
That ended up being all the points the Chiefs needed to win, but they scored some more anyways and obliterated the Texans 30-0. It was the Chiefs first playoff win since some guy named Joe Montana led them to the AFC Championship game in 1993, and it felt pretty great.
2016-2018: What Could Have Been…
In 2016, with their second 5th Round pick, the Chiefs drafted one of the fastest (if not the fastest) men in NFL history- Tyreek Hill. Unless you’re an extremely new Chiefs fan (I’m pointing at you, Swifties) or you’ve been living in a completely football-free environment for the past 8 years, such as in a cave or under the sea, you know who Tyreek Hill is and you know what he can do.
He was listed as 5’ 10”/185 lbs. (he looks shorter and heavier than those numbers indicate) and ran a 4.29 40 (which seems slow for him- maybe he’s faster in pads?). During his rookie season he returned 14 kicks (27.4 YD/avg) with an 86-yard TD. From 2016-2018 he returned punts (12 YD/avg) and had 4 TDs.
Given the desire and opportunity, I believe Tyreek Hill would have been far and away the best return man in NFL history. One of one. I don’t think that’s a hot take, as I know a lot of people would probably agree. Or not. People do love to argue about sports.
Instead of pursuing the singular football immortality that would have come with being The Greatest Return Man of All Time, he chose (to be fair, Coach Reid probably played some part in the decision) to become one of the best WRs in NFL history. He wouldn’t be one of one. Instead, he’d be one of many. That really doesn’t sound as impressive, but what it does do is pay a lot more. And, as he’s shown by his actions, Tyreek seems to care more about the big money and being the focus of the offense than he does about winning.
Which is why he only has one Super Bowl ring instead of three.
The Dynamic Kickoff or “How Dave Toub Gets His KR Groove Back”
When I said earlier that we were going to “quickly examine” the new Dynamic Kickoff, I may have been overstating things a little. What I meant was, “My back hurts and I want to start wrapping this thing up, so I’ll let the experts explain it.”
If you’re unfamiliar with the new kickoff rules because you didn’t watch the 2 and quarter quarters (not a typo) of the Hall of Fame game, the above video is infotainment at it’s finest and covers pretty much everything anyone knows about the new kickoff. (Note: If you only want the new rules laid out for you, the first minute of the video covers it). It also has some great stuff from the other Kelce (love that guy!)
Now that we all know the new rules (I assume we do), what do you think about it? My opinion after this poll:
I’ll be honest- if there’s only one vote for “Dave, Andy, & I are drooling!” it was me who cast that vote. I think the kick return is back and the Dynamic Kickoff will give the Chiefs coaching staff a chance to not only prove it, but also to demonstrate to the haters (Example of said “Haters”: Steve Spagnuolo wasn’t even nominated for the 2023 Assistant Coach of the Year Award… What?!?) that they’re the best coaches in the NFL.
Did you watch the press conference about the new kickoff with Dave Taub? He’s seems amped up about it (look at his face!) and it sounds to me like he thinks the Chiefs already have an advantage over other teams when it comes to how they’re preparing for it:
Remember what Ryan Clark said in the first video: “This is now just another offensive play.” The Chiefs are usually pretty good on offense. While it’s true that Patrick Mahomes won’t be (probably won’t be) on the return team during kickoffs (what a wrinkle that would be, though, am I right?!), the Chiefs do have the most creative offensive mind, which happens to belong to the guy sporting the most glorious mustache, in football standing on their sideline.
I’m guessing he has some mind-blowing ideas about plays they can try, and you can be sure that he and Special Teams/Assistant Head Coach Taub will be plotting and scheming late into the night different ways the Chiefs can take advantage of the new rules.
They will also be cooking up various scenarios to best deploy the dizzying array of new toys they got (where did they get those wonderful toys?) the Offense/ST in the draft and free agency (oh, ok). Most of the new return options possess something that last year’s team didn’t seem to have enough of…
I’ve seen people online saying that the Chiefs “Legion of Zoom” is back, but I’ll have to disagree on that point. These guys are faster than the “Legion of Zoom” was. NFL Insider Tom Pelissero agrees:
Don’t you love interviews like that! He was actually at Chiefs Camp and the SPEED of the receivers and running backs stood out to him so much, that he thinks they are the fastest team in the league. Even faster than Tyreek and the Fins (possible band name “Tyreek and the Fins” has been immediately rejected).
How excited for this season does that make you?
The KR Candidates:
So, who will be returning Dynamic Kickoffs for the Chiefs this season? Lets take a look at some of the possible candidates:
Louis Rees-Zammit: 6’ 2”/209 lbs./4.43 40 - Nicknamed “Rees Lightning” he’s a former pro rugby player pursuing his NFL dream. Since he’s played rugby his entire life, he’s probably pretty tough. Despite the slow(ish) 40 time, he was once clocked at 24.2 mph during a rugby match. Tyreek Hill’s fastest career clocked in-game speed was 23.24 mph. (Note: I really didn’t set out to bash Tyreek Hill so much when I started writing this. It just kind of keeps happening.)
Nikko Remigio: 5’ 9”/187 lbs./4.56 40 - An outstanding and experienced kick and punt returner in college. Despite his relative lack of speed, he possesses two key traits that make him a dangerous return man: decisiveness and the ability to break tackles. He might make the Opening Day roster.
Mecole Hardman: 5’ 10”/187 lbs./4.33 40 - He has kick and punt return experience from early in his career (1-KR TD/1-PR TD) and he did a good job. He also has years in the Chiefs offense and Patrick Mahomes seems to trust him, which could give him a leg up in the competition. And he did this…
Xavier Worthy: 5’ 11”/165 lbs./4.21 40 - The Chiefs 1st Round pick this year is insanely fast. He’s also astoundingly skinny. He has some punt return experience, but he had only two kick returns during his time at Texas. The Chiefs may use him on punt returns but it’s probably safe to rule him out for the kick return job- they don’t need him getting injured.
Skyy Moore: 5’ 10”/194 lbs./4.41 40 - Is this the year Skyy Moore shows out? Reports from training camp say he’s looked ok in the return game. My guess (and Obi-Wan agrees) is that he’s not going to be the guy.
The Prediction: So, who will be the Chiefs primary kick returner this year? Looking at the player recaps above I’ve realized that, after all of this research, my pick isn’t going to based on any stats, facts, measurements, or camp reports. Logic isn’t going to be a factor. My choice will 100% be based on my love of good “fish out of water” and/or “longshot” movies. Including football in the story only makes it better!
I’m sure you’ve already figured out that Louis Rees-Zammit (from here on out to only be known as Rees⚡Lightning) is that longshot, football-playing, fish out of water, and he is my official pick to be the Chiefs primary kick returner.
And he won’t be an average kick returner. Oh, no.
He will be great.
Which nicely segues us to the lunacy that is the next section of Chiefs Chronicles…
Rees⚡Lightning: The Movie
Chiefs Chronicles has received, from our very own Hollywood Insider (a big shoutout to my boy, Billy Mumphrey- way to make a comeback!), an exclusive leaked synopsis of the upcoming (studio to be named later) movie based (very loosely) on the life of Louis Rees-Zammit AKA Rees⚡Lightning:
“Rees⚡Lightning: A Wales of a Tale (working title)
Description- Imagine a mix between Friday Night Lights with all the grandeur and romance of Titanic. (Note: Titanic is his favorite movie.)
Synopsis: Rees⚡Lightning travels by ship from Wales to America as an earnest foreign-exchange student looking to try out American Football. He meets his hosts and immediately acts like he’s part of their family. He doesn’t quite get American culture yet or look much like an American Football player. Always the gentleman (or at least he sounds like a gentleman to American ears), he never breaks a rule or crosses a line.
The host family’s oldest daughter can’t keep her eyes off of him during dinner. She suddenly, suspiciously, develops an outsized interest in watching the football team practice after school.
At first, the players on the Muskrats (the local high school team) don’t accept Rees⚡Lightning, mocking his accent and boyish looks, but he works harder than everyone else and eventually earns their respect. He plays every game during the season and leads them to an undefeated record. He has become the team’s most popular and best player.
The Muskrats make the State Championship game, but Rees⚡Lightning doesn’t show up for the bus and they have to leave without him. The team thinks that he’s abandoned them, possibly to try and make it in Hollywood, and their morale takes a huge hit. They stink up the joint and go into halftime losing big.
The reason Rees⚡Lightning misses the bus (and the first half of the game) is because he rode his bike to Deadman’s Peak Lookout, to take in the view and calm his nerves before the Biggest Game of His Life.
While biking down the hill to get to the game a sudden, violent downpour causes his tires to slip out from under him and he ends up sliding off the road and into the ravine. He is badly injured, but somehow climbs out of the ravine and drags himself to the main road.
There he is spotted and picked up by an old man (in an even older truck) who is running late to the game. Finally, they make it to the game and, with the old man’s help Rees⚡Lightning enters the locker room, battered and bleeding. Even though he obviously can’t play, the team is rejuvenated. He didn’t abandon them after all!
While the trainer works on his injuries, his best friend on the team (Note: name to be determined later, but he should be from the wrong side of the tracks to contrast with Rees⚡Lightning’s proper upbringing) stands up and tells him that they will win the Championship trophy for him. The team solemnly agrees with him before jumping to their feet. They run screaming back onto the field.
The Muskrats battle back (Note: insert montage of good/trick plays- copy plays from video below⬇️) to tie the game and the 4th quarter ends. The game goes to overtime and their opponents (the hated Woodchucks) slowly drive down the field and kick a field goal. There are only 13 seconds left in the game and the Muskrats have no timeouts left. They need a kick return to go the distance to win.
The second string returner is freaking out- he doesn’t even like football. He’s just playing to keep his dad happy. Even though he’s still limping from the crash, Rees⚡Lightning tells the coach he thinks he has one more return in his legs. As lightning flashes overhead and thunder crashes in his ears, Rees⚡Lightning returns the kick 107 yards, through the mud for a touchdown and the win- just as the overtime clock expires. Victory!
During the post-game chaos he is unexpectedly pulled into an embrace and is kissed by the host family’s oldest daughter, who promises to text him every day after he goes back to Wales. The team and the townsfolk roar their approval. He raises his helmet up above his head and then, still blushing and smiling, he is hoisted up onto the shoulders of his teammates and carried off the field and into immortality.
(Fade to black- Roll credits-)
(The preceding screenplay outline is a warning to all who read it. Never start writing a sports column with no plan and never ever keep writing past 2 AM, to the extreme detriment of your mental sharpness and decision making ability.
All that being said, the preceding screenplay is copyright pending. I’m gonna win an Oscar and be rich!)
Or something like that.
Chiefs Who Should Be in The Hall of Fame
In the interest of getting this column out today, this section is going to be short and sweet. My top 3 former Chiefs that should already be in the Hall of Fame are:
1) Jamaal Charles is one of the best running backs the league has ever seen. His career was tragically shortened by multiple injuries, but when he was healthy it was a joy to watch him run. Who could forget his 5 TD game against the Raiders? I know I haven’t, and neither have my family and friends who are Raiders fans. Like his smooth running-style, it was thing of beauty. It’s time to put him in there, Hall voters.
2) Priest Holmes is another great Chiefs running back (with an injury-shortened career) that Hall of Fame voters have ignored for far too long. A TD machine, he dominated the league when he was healthy and deserves some recognition for it. What’s the holdup, people?
3) Jared Allen was drafted by the Chiefs and played there his first four years. Carl Peterson shouldn’t have traded him (although the trade did allow KC to draft Jamaal Charles) but they just couldn’t get a deal done or get along or something. He ended up having a long and very productive career. Like the first two men on this list, he should already be in the Hall of Fame.
Wow. This one was long and a little wild- even by my standards. I hope you got some enjoyment out of it. Whether you loved it or hated it (or just found a mistake you’d like to point out), please let me know in the comments section below. Just don’t be mean. It might make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
Chiefs football is coming on Saturday and, if you’re like me, you can’t wait. I hope you enjoy the game, your weekend, and make sure to rest up for Monday.
Thanks for reading Chiefs Chronicles and, as always…