Chiefs Chronicles: NFL Playoffs- AFC Championship Game to Super Bowl 58 (Part 1)
The Fix Is In & The Chiefs Are Reaping The Benefits, Sleep Is For Suckers, Plus All The Other Random Stuff (As Usual)
The NFL Is Nothin’ But “Big-Time Wrasslin’”
I’ve just been made aware that the Chiefs are cheaters (with complete backing by the NFL) and frankly, I’m shocked. Sure, my Poppy Mack (my grandpa on my dad’s side and no, he wasn’t that Mac Davis) always told me that the NFL was nothing but “big-time wrasslin’” and the fix was in, but he thought everything was a scam (Mr. Beast could have handed him a briefcase full of hundred dollar bills & he still would have thought that someone, somehow, somewhere was trying to rip him off).
Now it is being reported (by everyone from football analysts to players to John Q. Public) that the plan (or script, as they like to call it) was planned and set in motion before the season started. It goes something like this:
“The Chiefs start hot, but unexpectedly they begin losing because of their offense (what a plot twist!). Receivers are dropping everything in sight and the team appears out of sorts. KC is one of the most penalized teams in the NFL (this one is important for later in the scheme). They turn on each other.
When it’s all going wrong sometimes all you can do is pat the ground. The defense steadily improves. This progress will be continuous all season long (sneaky slow) until they become dominant.
Travis Kelce (easily the most Hollywood-ready guy on the team) tries to start a romance with a pop star (ideas involving Rihanna, Lady Gaga, & Cher are all floated but the Taylor Swift faction wins in the end). After waiting some time to let the masses hear about him shooting his shot (and letting them get used to the idea), he succeeds and the world’s newest power couple emerges.
Suddenly, the Chiefs are in sync! Taylor shows up at games and the Chiefs are winning again (they go 9-3 when she’s there- they can’t win every time because that would be too obvious).
NFL ratings (and Tay-Tay’s screen time) increase exponentially. Swifties are buying all the Travis Kelce gear they can find.
This story is not true. You can trust me, Roger Goodell, to tell you what to think. And no, the NFL does not put mind-control drugs in potato chips! This interview is over! To add some drama to the feel-good story, the Chiefs (despite having every opportunity to win the game) lose in humiliating fashion to the Raiders in Arrowhead. The game posts the best Christmas Day TV ratings for a game since 1989. The script has accurately predicted this viewership number.
The Chiefs win their last two games and enter the playoffs as the #3 seed. There are road playoff games in their future- if they advance (ominous music). The Kelce/Swift relationship continues to progress. PDAs are the norm now
Donna, Taylor, and Brittany dance and sing (the puffy jackets are cool!) Tyreek Hill’s return to Arrowhead with the #5-seed Dolphins (in extreme Arctic weather) for the AFC Super-Duper Wild Card Weekend Extravaganza (or whatever it’s called) ends as expected. Dolphins can’t flourish in the cold and the game isn’t close. Despite the fact it is being streamed exclusively on Peacock, ratings are through the roof. Nothing can stop the TV juggernaut the Chiefs have become. Malcontents start muttering about how “it’s always the Chiefs” in the playoffs. Mitch Holthus has something to say to those people (such a fantastic call!):
Patrick Mahomes’ first road playoff game ever versus the #2-seed Bills (in near-tropical conditions after the previous week’s weather) appears close, but the Chiefs win on a wide right kick by Tyler Bass (the callback is too sweet for the NFL not to use it) for the tie. The Bills and their fans have been broken. (Or have they? Tune in next season to find out.) Disgruntled Bills fans begin calling on the NFL to investigate the officiating crew for corruption (it’s The Sun, I know). Other fan bases start airing their grievances about the Chiefs. The prevailing opinion is that the Chiefs are unable to win without help from the league.
Patrick Mahomes celebrates the missed kick by Bass For the second road game of his career, Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs head to The Bank (a poor name choice considering what Chiefs fans have been known to do to banks) in Baltimore to play the #1-seed Ravens. Few of the talking heads give them a chance- publicly (many are privy to script details). The Chiefs offense (with a ton of help from the officials, allegedly) does enough and their dominant Defense somehow shuts down the Ravens (who made a ton of mental errors, per the script) in the second half for the win. Several flagrant or missed penalties against the Chiefs are ignored by non-Chiefs Kingdom fans during their rant about the officials favoring KC. The public grows even more unhinged in their hatred of the Chiefs. “The Chiefs get all the calls,” is chanted online. The league pushes the narrative (through intermediaries) that the Chiefs are actually a heavily penalized team:
Click the image to watch the video (it’s an embed workaround) The Chiefs play the 49ers in Super Bowl LVIII…” and that’s all there is to see because the last page of the script is torn out and Roger Goodell is walking away apparently eating something that tastes terrible…
Is Sleep Really Necessary?
It’s been a bit of a rough week for me sleep-wise so I’m going to wrap this one up a little early. There are plenty of ideas, I’m just lacking in energy and the will to write my way through the exhaustion. I honestly don’t know if this made any sense. It does to me (even though I didn’t go over it as much as I like) but I’m not working at 100%.
To give you an idea where my brain is at, I wrote a rant about how terrible (and biased) Greg Olsen is when calling games. I was mad at him for harping on a pass interference call (wrongly) in a Chiefs game I’d watched recently and I was trying to find footage of it (I thought it was the Bills game). The footage/coverage of it didn’t exist. Then I realized that he calls NFC games, so he wouldn’t be calling any Chiefs playoff games. Where did I hear him botching a call in a Chiefs game? Last year’s Super Bowl. To be fair, I caught the end of it on NFL Network the other night. Here’s his awful take.
I’ll try to get one or two more in before Super Bowl LVIII (58!), especially since I am writing from Northern California- deep behind enemy lines. As always, thank you for reading (and hopefully clicking a few links), and GO CHIEFS!!!!!!
Coincidence? I think NOT! Why else would Taylor Swift show up to so many football games. It's all media, or so the Germans would have us believe 🤔🤣