Chiefs Chronicles: NFL Week 13
The Ride That Is Being a Chiefs Fan In 2023, Advice for Announcers, A Good Sign & A Great Chiefs QB, Terrible Officiating: Part One Million, & Just Catch The Ball!
(I’m sending this out in a minute, but I’ll be adding links and editing probably all night. If you wait to read it until morning, I promise it will be better than it is now.)
Well, that stunk.
Sloppy offensive play. Almost nothing but short passes. An endless supply of dropped balls. Clueless refs. Injuries to key players piling up. A defense that suddenly can’t stop much. An untimely loss of composure leading to an ejection. A defeat that drops KC to a record of 8-4 heading into Week 14 and has Chiefs fans acting like the team is 4-8.
The way that game made all of us feel is part of the reason this post didn’t happen until Saturday. When a Patrick Mahomes/Andy Reid-led team (with Super Bowl repeat aspirations) lays an egg like that on a national stage, it is beyond frustrating for Chiefs Kingdom. So much so, that I didn’t want to talk or think or write about it. I’m sure you reacted the same way. This week it was tough for all of us to pretend we were ok. Football fan-wise.
I know this isn’t always a helpful way to help people cope, but other teams and fanbases have it so much worse than we do. Take Carolina or Arizona. The Panthers are already eliminated from the playoffs (and fired their coach midseason) and the Cardinals (who are on their bye) most likely will be eliminated this week or next. In the Age of NFL parity (20 of 32 teams are .500 or better), they just can’t seem to get it together. They are this year’s worst of the worst. The 2024 NFL Draft might give them some hope, but mismanagement by the respective decision-makers for each team will probably extinguish that by midseason next year.
Thankfully, we’re not there- not even close. The Chiefs have the best QB and TE on the planet, with a mad scientist/future Hall of Fame coach scheming up ways to fix the current offensive issues. They are one game out of the #1 playoff seed with tiebreakers over the teams ahead of them. They currently have a 25% chance to host the Arrowhead Invitational yet again, and we all know what Patrick does to low statistical probabilities. The offense, while not great at the moment, is still 11th in the league in scoring and 8th in total offense. Patrick and the rest of the guys can play well (see the Bears, Chargers, and Raiders games), so there is a strong possibility they get this thing fixed by the playoffs. The defense has, for the most part, kept the team in games when the offense has sputtered. Also, the leader of the defense, Nick Bolton, is coming back and that should provide a huge boost to the Chiefs D.
For comparison’s sake let’s look at the 2019 Kansas City Chiefs. After Week 13 of the 2019 NFL Season, the Chiefs were 8-4 and that team went on to get home-field advantage throughout the playoffs and a Super Bowl LIV win over the San Francisco 49ers. It’s true they weren’t coming off of a loss (they’d just stomped the Raiders 40-9), so everyone was feeling pretty good about where the team was at. And, to be fair, the offense was also much better than the current Chiefs offense- but the defense was considerably worse. As the Brits say…
Since the year 1 DA (During Andy, also known as 2013 AD or CE- this can get a bit confusing), the Chiefs and Chiefs Kingdom have known almost nothing but winning. When Patrick Mahomes came onto the scene as the Chiefs starter (5 DA, also known as the beginning of the Age of Patrick or 1 AP and, known to non-Chiefs fans as 2018 AD or CE- are you still following everything?), things somehow got even better. We’re, admittedly, a little spoiled. Two Super Bowl wins. Two MVPs. A record of 125-49 in the regular season and a playoff record of 12-7 (with 3 Super Bowl appearances and the aforementioned 2 wins). Things have gone well, to put it mildly.
All that is just a long way of saying, “It’s going to be ok, Chiefs Kingdom.”
Probably.
Why is there a picture of Tony Romo playing against the Giants 15 years ago in this post? The reason for that is simple: at this game way back in 2008, behind his wee beady eyes, an idea was brewing (we can only assume) in Antonio Ramiro Romo’s head. A change was needed and he was the man who not only saw that need for change but was determined to be the one to effect it. You see, he’d grown tired of using the term “QB Sneak” to describe a QB Sneak (probably). It was a little “on the nose” or “played out,” as the kids liked to say back then. A basic vanilla description for a basic vanilla play, and we all know that Tony Romo (did he steal his name from that rib joint?) is anything but vanilla (work with me here).
Fast forward to 2023 and, after 15 years of thinking about how to improve the name, Tony (now a color analyst for CBS) decided he had no good ideas. Nothing. He was ready to give up on his quest for a better play name when something magical happened.
The play was suddenly gaining in popularity (thanks, in part, to the success the Eagles had using it) and it featured a new twist: whoever was in the backfield would put his hands on the QB’s butt and shove him forward to, and often through, the pile. Finally, the old vanilla “QB Sneak” play had some sprinkles on it! That realization caused Tony to take his quest back up.
He put his head down and did (literally) minutes of research on other possible names that incorporated this exciting new posterior-shoving element. His failures included, but weren’t limited to: the “Shove-Butt Blaster,” the “Dreaded Rear Admiral,” the “Seymour Butts Special” (the fact that it was also his secret nickname is what made it special), the “Double Booty Handful,” and (Tony’s grandma’s favorite) the “Scootie-Patootie.” None of them were good enough to match the high level of commentary Tony was putting out every week, though. Finally, he chose to “recycle” (“steal” is such an ugly word) a phrase that Coach Joe Gibbs first coined (according to some sources) in the 1980s- “the Tush Push.”
Amongst announcers, sports writers, and television executives, it was an instant sensation.
It’s hard to find an NFL broadcast nowadays where that term (“Tush Push”) isn’t being excessively used (is there a quota they have to fill or something?). This brings us to the point of the history (or historical fiction) lesson above: “Tush Push” is a terrible name. Not only does it sound vaguely unsavory, but (see what I did there?) NFL broadcast teams are either uncomfortable or way too comfortable using it during games.
So what do we call it?
The clear name choice for the play going forward is “The Brotherly Shove.” It just makes too much sense. Philly is called the City of Brotherly Love (Philly fans over the years have proven that may be a slight exaggeration), the Eagles have seemingly perfected the play, and it’s just a clever name. And that’s all I have to say about that.
I saw this while looking for pics to use this week and it made me smile, so I downloaded it to share:
Oh, by the way, he was a great quarterback for Dick Vermeil’s Chiefs teams (and is now a color analyst for CBS), for those of you too young to remember. I actually saw Mr. Green play the last week of the 2001 regular season (we had gone the previous year as well, but at that time the Chiefs coach was Gunther Cunningham and their QB was People’s 1998 Sexiest Athlete Alive Elvis Grbac). Anyway, it was the Chiefs vs the Seahawks (coached by a post-Packers Mike Holmgren) in the game that had been rescheduled because of 9/11. The Seahawks’ new stadium was being built, so they had been temporarily using Husky Stadium (what a cool location!).
Quick story: The game we went to the year before, was earlier in the season and the Seahawks fans were great. We had our faces painted with team colors and everyone wanted their picture taken with us. We also met (sort of) Len Dawson. My brother said, “Mr. Dawson, can I have your autograph?” He looked our group over (we looked like maniacs) and said, without a hint of a smile, “I don’t know, can you?” I took a step back to distance myself from my brother (kind of a, “Can you believe this character?” thing), but my brother just said, “May I please have your autograph, sir?” Lenny the Cool said, “OK, where's your pen?” It was still in the package, of course, so my brother ripped it open and handed it to him (his Super Bowl ring was awesome, by the way). And that’s the story of how my brother has a Derrick Thomas jersey signed by Lenny Dawson at Husky Stadium. (The pictures below were created by AI using the text prompts underneath each picture. These were the least freaky ones it made. Who is the little guy wearing the multi-colored jacket? Why is Len drawing a map of an island or waterpark? Be very scared. Should have more on AI next week.)
Unlike the welcome we received at the game we saw in 2000, Seahawks fans were drunk and aggressive towards us. It was the Seahawks last game as an AFC team (they moved to the NFC West the following year) and they had a slight chance to make the playoffs. They had to win and have a bunch of other things fall their way. They did win but didn’t make the playoffs. In all of your faces, giant group of drunk Seahawks fans who tried to fight the four of us! In case you’re wondering, cooler (read sober) heads prevailed. There was no fight that day.
Trent Green and the Chiefs (except for Priest Holmes) didn’t have a great day (Tony Gonzalez had two receptions for 9 yards before he got hurt) and KC lost to Trent Dilfer and the Seahawks by a FG, 21-18. It was disappointing, but Trent went on to become one of the top QBs in the NFL and helmed some prolific Chiefs offenses. Thanks for the memories, (Mangled by AI) Trent. (my, my, what a tiny left arm you’ve got there!)
A couple of notes:
The officiating in the NFL is terrible. On the final drive for the Chiefs, it seemed like that crew got every call they made wrong- for and against KC. My brother Joe has gotten me into college football lately and I like how they do it. I don’t know all of the nuances of their replay rules, but it seems like they’re trying a lot harder in college to make the calls correctly. C’mon, NFL. Fix this problem!
I just saw the stats MVS (sorry for the clip- don’t watch unless you want to be angry) has put up this year. The highest-paid receiver on your team (and one of the highest-paid overall on the team) can’t average less than 3 targets a game, with less than 2 receptions a game, and 1 touchdown in 12 games. Can’t happen. Either force the ball to him and see if he’s worth the money he’s getting, or bench him and cut your losses (and him) next year.
KC needs something to stop the hemorrhaging in the passing game. Patrick doesn’t seem to trust most of these guys and that distrust is warranted. The stats below are from Pro Football Reference:
What’s going on here, guys?
I have a suggestion for the offensive coaching staff and I’m hoping they’ll listen. Get your receiver group together in a small room and make them watch the movie Necessary Roughness. It’s a feel-good early 90s football comedy about a lovable bunch of losers and misfits (and Sinbad!) who come together against overwhelming odds. Make them pay particular attention to all of the parts involving Featherstone- especially MVS. Make him watch everything they do to help him learn to catch the ball in the movie, which of course culminates in this epic moment:
The Chiefs have the Bills at home tomorrow. Don’t forget: You’re the Reigning Super Bowl Champs! Now it’s time to act like it! LET’S GO!!!
Sheesh! They can't hold on to the ball 😳 tell them not to eat buttered popcorn before the game.
Btw, moss is not a good source of comfort lol
I like it!! But you say it so much more eloquently! Thanks for your insights Gary!